im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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