I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
