Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's just like the Real World with babies
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
