I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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