apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
