I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
