Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
