So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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