the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
