GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
