id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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