Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
