Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
