are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
