i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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