I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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