I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
