happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
