I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
