Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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