peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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