So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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