i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
its not stalking. its research.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
