Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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