I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
