Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
