I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
