Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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