I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
