So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
