I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
