last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
