You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Say something about gay babies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
