Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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