is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
