I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
