im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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