He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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