And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
