the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
