I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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