I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
