I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
