my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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