last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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