Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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