Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
