And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
