Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
