i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
