did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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