It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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