the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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